Elly
Administrator
Posts: 29,887
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Irish
Jan 13, 2006 22:15:26 GMT 10
Post by Elly on Jan 13, 2006 22:15:26 GMT 10
Ireland's worst air disaster occurred today when a small 2-seater Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery this afternoon in central Ireland. Irish search and rescue workers have recovered 826 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the night.
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Irish
Jan 14, 2006 0:37:16 GMT 10
Post by LLady on Jan 14, 2006 0:37:16 GMT 10
;D
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Irish
Jan 14, 2006 3:27:32 GMT 10
Post by dreamy on Jan 14, 2006 3:27:32 GMT 10
I HAVE to send this to my Irish buddy, he will be delighted!!! #cheeky# #happy# #happy# #happy#
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Elly
Administrator
Posts: 29,887
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Irish
Jan 14, 2006 18:44:29 GMT 10
Post by Elly on Jan 14, 2006 18:44:29 GMT 10
On a golf tour in Ireland, Tiger drives his brand new BMW into a petrol station in a remote part of the Irish countryside. The pump attendant, obviously knowing nothing about golf, greets him in a typical Irish manner completely unaware of who the golfing pro is. "Top of the mornin' to yer, sir", says the attendant. Tiger nods a quick "hello" and bends forward to pick up the nozzle. As he does so, two tees fall out of his shirt pocket onto the ground. "What are those?, asks the attendant. "They're called tees" replies Tiger. "Well, what on the God's earth are dey for?", inquires the Irishman. "They're for resting my balls on when I'm driving", says Tiger. "Fookin Jaysus", says the Irishman, "BMW really thinks of everything !!".
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Elly
Administrator
Posts: 29,887
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Irish
Jan 16, 2006 13:44:36 GMT 10
Post by Elly on Jan 16, 2006 13:44:36 GMT 10
Two Irishmen walk into a pet shop in Dingle. They head to the bird section and Gerry says to Paddy, "Dat's dem." The owner comes over and asks if he can help them. "Yeah, we'll take four dem dere little budgies in dat cage up dere," says Gerry. The owner puts the budgies in a cardboard box. Paddy and Gerry pay for the birds, leave the shop and get into Gerry's truck to drive to the top of the Connor Pass. At the Connor Pass, Gerry looks down at the 1000 foot drop and says,"Dis looks like a grand place." He takes two birds out of the box, puts one on each shoulder and jumps off the cliff. Paddy watches as the budgies fly off and Gerry falls all the way to the bottom, killing himself stone dead. Looking down at the remains of his best pal, Paddy shakes his head and says, "Stuff dat. Dis budgie jumping is too dangerous for me!"
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Elly
Administrator
Posts: 29,887
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Irish
Jan 21, 2006 0:59:15 GMT 10
Post by Elly on Jan 21, 2006 0:59:15 GMT 10
Paddy was in New York He was patiently waiting, and watching the traffic cop on a busy street crossing. The cop stopped the flow of traffic and shouted, "Okay pedestrians". Then he'd allow the traffic to pass.
He'd done this several times, and Paddy still stood on the sidewalk. After the cop had shouted "Pedestrians" for the tenth time, Paddy went over to him and said, "Is it not about time ye let the Catholics across?"
Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place. Looking up to heaven he said, "Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me Irish Whiskey".
Miraculously, a parking place appeared.
Paddy looked up again and said, "Never mind, I found one."
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Irish
Mar 10, 2006 9:44:02 GMT 10
Post by smudger on Mar 10, 2006 9:44:02 GMT 10
Q. What is Irish diplomacy? A. It's the ability to tell a man to go to hell. So that he will look forward to making the trip
When the Irish say that St. Patrick chased the snakes out of Ireland, what they don't tell you is that he was the only one who saw any snakes!
His wife had been killed in an accident and the police were questioning Finnegan. "Did she say anything before she died?" asked the sergeant. "She spoke without interruption for about forty years," said the Finnegan.
Man runs out of a West Belfast pub with his arms on fire Police catch him and charge him with having an armalite.
Billy and Pa' were walking in the woods when they came across a sign saying, "Tree Fellers wanted". One of them said, "Ye know, it's a shame paddy isn't here. We could have gotten the job".
Pat and Kyran were getting ready to go on a camping trip. The first one said "I'm taking along a gallon of whiskey just in case of rattlesnake bites. What are you taking?" The other one said "Two rattlesnakes!"
Paddy and Murphy were walking down a road one day, Paddy said, Murphy, can you see that beautiful wood over there Murphy, I can't see, theirs trees in the way!
A visitor to a small Irish village commented to a local Garda that it was a quiet little place. The Garda replied, quiet to be sure, we haven't buried a living soul in years.
Seamus do you understand French, I do if its spoken in Irish
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Elly
Administrator
Posts: 29,887
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Irish
Mar 10, 2006 13:50:55 GMT 10
Post by Elly on Mar 10, 2006 13:50:55 GMT 10
Billy and Pa' were walking in the woods when they came across a sign saying, "Tree Fellers wanted". One of them said, "Ye know, it's a shame paddy isn't here. We could have gotten the job". ;D
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Irish
Mar 10, 2006 23:02:36 GMT 10
Post by dreamy on Mar 10, 2006 23:02:36 GMT 10
Paddy was found dead in his back yard, and as the weather was a bit on the warm side, the wake was held down to only two days, so his mortal remains wouldn't take a bad turn. At last his friends laid him in the box, nailed it shut & started down the hill into the churchyard. As it was a long, sloping path and the mourners were appropriately tipsy, one fellow lurched into the gatepost as they entered the graveyard. Suddenly a loud knocking came from in the box. Paddy was alive! They opened the box up and he sat up, wide eyed, and they all said, Sure, it's a miracle of God! All rejoiced & they went back and had a few more drinks but later that day, the poor lad died. Really died. Stone cold dead. They bundled him back into his box, and as they huffed and puffed down the hill the next morning, the priest said, "Careful now, boys; mind ye don't bump the gatepost again!"
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Irish
Mar 10, 2006 23:03:32 GMT 10
Post by dreamy on Mar 10, 2006 23:03:32 GMT 10
Mike and his pregnant wife live on a farm in the distant rural regions. No running water, no electricity, etc. One night, Mikes' wife is begins to deliver the baby. The local doctor is there in attendance. "What d'ya want me to do, Doctor?" "Hold the lantern, Mikey. Here it comes!" the doctor delivers the child and holds it up for the proud father to see. "Mike, you're the proud father of a fine strapping boy." "Saints be praised, I..." Before Mike can finish the Doctor interrupts, "Wait a minute. Hold the lantern, Mikey." Soon the doctor delivers the next child. "You've a full set now, Mikey. A beautiful baby daughter." "Thanks be to..." Again the Doctor cuts in, "Hold the lantern, Mikey, Hold the lantern!" Soon the Doctor delivers a third child. The doctor holds up the baby for Mike's inspection. "Doctor," asks Mike, "Do you think it's the light that's attracting them?"
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Irish
Mar 21, 2006 3:27:48 GMT 10
Post by dreamy on Mar 21, 2006 3:27:48 GMT 10
Mrs. Pete Monaghan came into the newsroom to pay for her husband's obiturary. She was told by the kindly newsman that it was a dollar a word and he remembered Pete and wasn't it too bad about him passing away. She thanked him for his kind words and bemoaned the fact that she only had two dollars. But she wrote out the obituary, "Pete died." The newsman said he thought old Pete deserved more and he'd give her three more words at no charge. Mrs. Pete Monaghan thanked him and rewrote the obituary: "Pete died. Boat for sale"
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Irish
Mar 21, 2006 3:28:47 GMT 10
Post by dreamy on Mar 21, 2006 3:28:47 GMT 10
A young Irish girl goes into her priest on Saturday morning for confession.
"Father, forgive me for I have Thinned."
"You've Thinnned?"
"Yes, I went out with me boyfriend Friday night. He held me hand twice, kissed me three times, and made love to me two times."
"Daughter! I want you to go straight home, squeeze seven lemons into a glass, and drink it straight down."
"Will that wash away me Thin?"
"No, but it will get the silly smile off your face."
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