Elly
Administrator
Posts: 29,887
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Post by Elly on Nov 21, 2006 18:05:41 GMT 10
An old scotsman walks into a tavern, and orders a whisky. when he finishs it, he take a wee peek in his shirt pocket, then orders a double. Again he finishes the drink and checks his pocket. the bar keeper says " look auld sod, I'll serve ya all the whisky ya want, but you hae to tell me why ya keep looking in your shirt pocket ? the scotsman takes a wee sip, peeks into his pocket, then says, I'm peeking at a photo of me wife. when she starts to look good to me, then I know it time for me to head home ! ...
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Post by maroonman on Nov 22, 2006 5:02:29 GMT 10
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Elly
Administrator
Posts: 29,887
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Post by Elly on Nov 22, 2006 12:53:19 GMT 10
thanks for the link Mike , now I know what the auld sod means
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Post by smudger on Dec 2, 2006 1:29:03 GMT 10
Bill Clinton & the Genie Bill Clinton was walking along the beach when he stumbled upon a Genie's lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it and lo-and-behold, a Genie appeared. Bill was amazed and asked if he got three wishes.
The Genie said, "Nope...Due to inflation, constant downswing, low wages in third world countries, and fierce global competition, I can only grant you one wish. So...What'll it be?"
Bill didn't hesitate. He said, "I want to be remembered for bringing peace to the Middle East, instead of that other stuff with Monica, and Jennifer, and the rest of those women. See this map? I want these countries to stop fighting with each other."
The Genie looked at the map of the Middle East and exclaimed, "Jeez, Fella! These people have been at war for thousands of years. I'm good, but not THAT good. I don't think it can be done. Make another wish."
Bill thought for a minute and said, "You know, people really don't like my wife. Even though she got elected, they call her a carpetbagger. They think she's mean, ugly, and pushes me around. I wish for her to be the most beautiful woman in the world and I want everybody to like her. That's what I want."
The Genie let out a long sigh and said, "Lemme see that map again."
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