KIDS IN CLASS

[dreamy]

TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America.
>
> MARIA: Here it is.
>
> TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
>
> CLASS: Maria.
> ____________________________________
>
>
> TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
>
> JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
> __________________________________________
>
> TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell "crocodile?"
>
> GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L"
>
> TEACHER: No, that's wrong
>
> GLENN: Maybe it's wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
> ____________________________________________
>
> TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
>
> DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
>
> TEACHER: What are you talking about?
>
> DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.
>
> __________________________________
>
> TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't
> have ten years ago.
>
> WINNIE: Me!
>
> __________________________________________
>
>
> TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
>
> GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
> _______________________________________
>
> TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with "I."
>
> MILLIE: I is...
>
> TEACHER: No, Millie.... Always say, "I am."
>
> MILLIE: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
>
> _________________________________
>
> TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry
> tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't
> punish him?
>
> LOUIS: Nothing! Because George still had the ax in his hand.
>
> ______________________________________
>
>
> TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before
> eating?
>
> SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
>
> ______________________________
>
>
> TEACHER: Clyde, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as
> your brother's. Did you copy his?
>
> CLYDE: No, teacher, it's the same dog.
>
> ___________________________________
> TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when
> people are no longer interested?
>
> HAROLD: A teacher
>

[smudger]

Kids now adays see things different ..lol #happy#

[smudger]

One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class.
She came to the part of the story where the first pig was trying to

accumulate the building materials for his home. She read, "...And so the

pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and said, 'Pardon

me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my house?'"

The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that man said?"

One little boy raised his hand and said, "I know...he said, 'Holy Shit! A talking pig!'"

The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.

[andi]

#happy#

[ladyoftheloch]

Those were funny, I can see my cousins son saying the last one...hahahahaha

[LLady]

Subject: Aunt Shirley

A teacher gave her class of 11 year olds an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories.

Ashley said, "My father's a farmer and we have a lot of egg laying hens. One time we were taking our eggs to market in a basket on the front seat of the car when we hit a big bump in the road and all the eggs went flying and broke and made a mess and the moral
of the story is, 'Don't put all your eggs in one basket'!"

"Very good," said the teacher.

Next little Sarah raised her hand and said, "Our family are farmers too. But we raise chickens for the meat market. One day we had a dozen eggs, but when they hatched we only got ten live chicks, and the moral to this story is "Don't count your chickens before
they're hatched'."

"That was a fine story Sarah. Michael, do you have a story
to share?"

"Yes. My daddy told me this story about my Aunt Shirley. Aunt Shirley was a flight engineer on a plane in the Gulf War and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a bottle of whisky, a machine gun and a machete. She drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn't break and then she landed right in the middle of 100 enemy troops.

She killed seventy of them with the machine gun until she ran out of bullets. Then she killed twenty more with the machete until the blade broke. And then she killed the last ten with her bare hands."

"Good heavens" said the horrified teacher, "What kind of moral did your daddy tell you from that horrible story?"

"Stay away from Aunt Shirley when she's been drinking."

[Elly]

#happy# #happy#

[smudger]

Arithmetic Problem


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A little boy is in school working on his arithmetic.
The teacher says, "Imagine there are 5 blackbirds sitting on a fence. You pick up your BB gun and shoot one. How many blackbirds are left?"

The little boy thinks for a moment and says, "NONE!"

The teacher replies, "None -- how do you figure that?"

The little boy says, "If I shoot one, all the other birds will fly away scared, leaving none on the fence."

The teacher replies, "Hmmmm, not exactly, but I do like the way you think!"

The little boy then says, "Teacher, can I ask you a question?

There are 3 women sitting on a park bench eating ice cream cones.

One is licking her cone, another is biting it, and the third one is sucking it. How can you tell which one of the women is married?"

The teacher ponders the question uncomfortably and then finally replies, "Well, I guess the one sucking her cone."

To which the little boy replies, "Actually, it's the one with the wedding ring, but I do like the way YOU think!!"